he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
3 2 1 whiskey
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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