he wants to bone in the snuggie
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
