Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
