just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
