just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
