your room smells of hookers.
And success
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
