the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Shame - the story of my life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize