Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
