i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
