Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
