My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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