i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
