Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
