Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
