Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize