Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
