Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
