p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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