Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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