remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
