my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
