my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize