It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
