Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize