Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
