I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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