my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
