She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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