I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize