Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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