no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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