somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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