what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
