I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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