you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
wanna go halves on a baby?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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