Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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