if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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