I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
