There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize