toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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