Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
