My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
