If i come over, it means nothing
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
