it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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