Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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