After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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