Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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