Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
