Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
