apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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