I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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