After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
