Me too!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
