Pants 0. Shit 1.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
