So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize