Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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