He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
this beer tastes like vomit already
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
