Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
