Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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