first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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