I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
