You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
