It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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