Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just googled if crying burns calories
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
