it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
