I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
