Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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