Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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