New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
