I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize