This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
