This is not my ceiling
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
