So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
