just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
